Is at brain now

Why I just can't like others just take care my lung for at least a litter longer. Just got to know it is now in my brain. Need to go through 10 times radiotherapy in onder to help to control the pain at night. Today is the 2nd therapy. I feel better now. But how about my lung. I went for ALK test but the doct say my biopsy might not be in hospital anymore, need to check. How can that happen. I thought they should keep for 3 years. Now is only 1 1/2 years. If they can't find can I sue them. As I still remember the pain of taking the biopsy. I hope the biopsy is still available and the ALK result is positive. I hope no more chemo for my body. I just need another few years to train my child.

Accept pain killer

I have start to accept pain killer as I have try with acupuncture and chinese medic also cannot help me from releasing my pain. A doctor advise me then, why you need to suffer as you already decide to have a better life for the rest. My pain have resulted my husband cry everyday. In order to make him happy, I must do it. I don't want him to cry for me everyday. Why Chinese physician always don't accept pain killer? They will ask us to stay with the pain. But if you are already in pain then it is just like taking chemotherapy side effect. Why not make yourself easy.

MRI result

I have MRI and CT scan after the 3rd alimta, result show the bone tumor are increasing and the lung tumor are getting smaller. I suspect because I have stop porcupine dates for 2 months which resulted in the increase of bone tumor. Now make my leg pain. But the MRI result show that my tumor is not affecting my nerve. If not the tumor then why my leg back thigh felt pain after I sit for more that 10 minutes. I head pain might due to lack of oxygen. I bought the oxygen concentrator today to try if the pin will reduce or not. As I notice I will vomit if I take pain killer. The doctor also suggest me to take children paracetamol as my weight now is just a 10 years old kids. I try also but seem sometimes work and sometimes don't. Today I will start my porcupine dates again see whether it will help to ease my leg pain or not.

Salute

This is the third alimta, I already feel giving up. I cannot understand how can the cancer patient has the energy to continue the treatment. I could find a reason to continue sometime. I have decided to stop continue with Chinese med no matter what happen. The side effect really make me feel no hope at all.

What is life?

Yesterday, after talking to doctor and my hubby. I start to feel lost about my life. What am I looking towards and forward in future. No answers.

I start to questions, what next? treatment or no treatment or what? I really don't know what to do. What is the aim of my life whereby I can't enjoy my food and life with friend and also work.

Doing the daily routine, wake up medicine, qi gong, sending child to school, eating then Qi gong again and sleep.

What next about tomorrow? still the same. I guess is all because that my life is just too challenging and busy before this.

Bad news

Did my CT scan last two days, the result are bad. My chinese medic are not doing very well. in 6 months, the tumour have spread to my left lung and the right lung tumour are getting bigger.

Should I continue with chinese medic and Qi Gong or should I go for Alimta. Doctor advice go alimta for 6 cycle then stop and rest. This will prolonged my life span. Looking at the 2 blogger, both with different choice after 3 years still facing the same difficulty really make me down.

My sister in law are making new medic for me to try again.

Yesterday, I have suck out the water in my lung, I think I felt better today. But the doctor say the water will be back anytime as the tumour is very active.

The days

I have been doing ok this few months, although now and then sometimes experience difference pain. But it is a very short one. After some Chinese medic the pain is gone. I'm happy now, but have plan for CT scan this coming 8th feb. It make me nervous. I don't really want to go for the scan as it might spoilt my mood.

Anyhow, I still have to go through it.

I have being busy going to Qi gong day and night for this few months. Those cancer patient there as just at my age. Some even not marry. So pity. They still have to work as no finicial support. I'm so lucky that I have a lovely husband. Dear I owe you so much.