Salute

This is the third alimta, I already feel giving up. I cannot understand how can the cancer patient has the energy to continue the treatment. I could find a reason to continue sometime. I have decided to stop continue with Chinese med no matter what happen. The side effect really make me feel no hope at all.

What is life?

Yesterday, after talking to doctor and my hubby. I start to feel lost about my life. What am I looking towards and forward in future. No answers.

I start to questions, what next? treatment or no treatment or what? I really don't know what to do. What is the aim of my life whereby I can't enjoy my food and life with friend and also work.

Doing the daily routine, wake up medicine, qi gong, sending child to school, eating then Qi gong again and sleep.

What next about tomorrow? still the same. I guess is all because that my life is just too challenging and busy before this.

Bad news

Did my CT scan last two days, the result are bad. My chinese medic are not doing very well. in 6 months, the tumour have spread to my left lung and the right lung tumour are getting bigger.

Should I continue with chinese medic and Qi Gong or should I go for Alimta. Doctor advice go alimta for 6 cycle then stop and rest. This will prolonged my life span. Looking at the 2 blogger, both with different choice after 3 years still facing the same difficulty really make me down.

My sister in law are making new medic for me to try again.

Yesterday, I have suck out the water in my lung, I think I felt better today. But the doctor say the water will be back anytime as the tumour is very active.

The days

I have been doing ok this few months, although now and then sometimes experience difference pain. But it is a very short one. After some Chinese medic the pain is gone. I'm happy now, but have plan for CT scan this coming 8th feb. It make me nervous. I don't really want to go for the scan as it might spoilt my mood.

Anyhow, I still have to go through it.

I have being busy going to Qi gong day and night for this few months. Those cancer patient there as just at my age. Some even not marry. So pity. They still have to work as no finicial support. I'm so lucky that I have a lovely husband. Dear I owe you so much.

Blood test result

I went to blood test last week, the result show that my CEA when up from 500 to 800 and my CA 19.9 when down from 50 to 41. What does that means? Is my cancer under control or it is not? The doctor advice me to go for CT scan in dec. But I don't feel like going.

My last scan is in sept, I wish to do 6 months once, but the doctor say is a litter dangerous. She advice me if anything wrong in CT scan u can still control with chemo but don't wait until it is worst. To me, if no pain I don't what to do any scan at all even the blood test.

Can anyone help me?

1 month with Chinese medication

After months of having the Chinese medication from my sister in law and very hardworking on Qi Neng Qi Gong. I can feel my Fight is winning soon. Tomorrow I'm going for the blood test, I hope the result will be good.

I'm not going to do any MRI test or CT scan. But the doctor advice me to go for blood test. Do u think I should go for the blood test?

Days without chemotherapy for 35 days

My back waist felt litter pain. It is the feeling 5 months back before I was diagnose. The pain make me feel insecure. I keep on telling myself, I need to trust the medicine. If I don't trust it will never work.

However, just in case if anything happen, I wish to meet with some of my best friend who have not meet each other for years. I have been planning dinner at my home every now and then, to keep in touch with them, I hope it will not be too late.

I used to be workaholic, therefore do not have the time to spent with schoolmates and family. Sorry, for that.

After guo Lin Qing gong exercise, the back seem to feel better. I notice I cannot carry thing, it get painful when I carry my son. I must remind myself, no matter what happen do not carry him anymore.

Cannot sit too long either. It will get pain if I sit long.

My sister say I must be careful, as the bones can break easily. But the doctor be re infome me about this. Her friend father backbone broken, and need to reconstruct a fate back bones. So I better be careful.

A friend of mine also recommend me to eat sea mineral to protect my bone while I'm still taking zometa to protect my bones.

I never expect to recover, I only wish to maintain at this condition at least till my son schooling.